The Hard Questions…
Our girl figured it all out last week, and there have been many questions…
The usual ones, about where babies come from, and how they are born, and and how they grow in a mommy’s belly…those questions are something every parent has to answer one day, right? I have no idea if parents always talk about these things with their five year old, but that is what we are doing this week.
But those aren’t the only questions our girl has. Obviously…
Did you carry me in your belly? Who carried me? Is she still in China? Was it my Nai Nai? What did my China mommy look like? Do you know what her name is? Why couldn’t I be in your belly? Why didn’t you get me when I was so tiny? I didn’t have a mommy all that time? Why did we have to wait? Did my China mommy see me? What did she think of me?
We have always talked about little M being born in China, her China mommy, and her adoption story (we even have a book that we had made specifically about her story), and we have always been completely honest, but it wasn’t until she was reading a Christmas story book, and saw a picture of a pregnant Mary, that something clicked and she GOT it.
I answered every question as honestly (and age appropriately) as I could…and I told her that although we didn’t know who her China mommy is, maybe one day we could try to find her…
Little M listened intently to my answers, and thought hard before asking another question. Then she said “my belly hurts, I think I have a little gas.”
And just like that, we were done. There have been many more questions over the past week, and I just know that the more she figures out, the harder the questions will get.
I used to dread these questions.
I used to think that this knowledge might possibly wreck my girl, and leave us floundering for firm attachment footing. But our girl is so much stronger than I give her credit for.
While we can tell that she is processing this new information (by the books she chooses, and the questions she asks), she is her usual precious self.
I know the hard questions are coming… the ones we always dreaded. But I don’t dread them so much anymore.
Because I know my little girl… My girl is the strongest, bravest, most amazing person I know. And I know that together we will handle whatever comes our way.
Even the hard questions.
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I have a wonderful husband and four amazing and precious children who were born in China. More about me...
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My son is 7, almost 8 and came to us at age 4. I totally understand how you feel. We have been through and continue to go through (lifelong process), the ebb and flows of his inquiry about his birth parents. His interest peaks at different times and for different reasons. I hurt for him and those questions he asks and for the answers I give and the information I lack and wish to God that I had. I am amazing by him and all he has to process at his young age. I sometimes cry with him. Because he doesn't know what birth mommy looks like and WHY she gave him up, why she \”didn't want him\”. It is hard but important and we work towards providing honest answers but it still hurts that he has to ask those questions. So I breathe and try to give him the best answers I can and understand that I cannot always take away his hurt BUT I can try to help him work through it, always by his side.
Thank you Tasha! It's good to know we are not alone in this crazy journey as we are feeling our way along!