Wordless Wednesday...Koala Bear

On Waiting For Two

I started this blog when we first started the adoption process. We always knew that we eventually wanted two children.

We knew one of them would come from China, maybe even both. The wait for China became longer and longer, so as our paperwork was on the way to China we began the process to adopt from Taiwan. We were logged into both countries in March of 2008.

When we brought little M home, we put our Taiwan adoption on hold for a while so we could bond with our daughter, and give her time with just us.

Last Summer we renewed our paperwork, and began the wait again. But this time, we were not at the bottom of the list. We were open to either a boy or girl, and to a handful of special needs.

A week after we renewed our paperwork we were asked if we would consider a little boy, a very little boy with small head circumference, and low birth weight. We consulted our pediatrician, and decided to throw our hat in the ring. This program is different in that it is a birthmother program, and the orphanage likes to show multiple families to the birthmother, who then choses the family for her child.

Obviously, we were not chosen. We were sad, but we moved on to wait some more.

In January, we expressed interest in a little girl with a heart condition similar, but not as severe, as little M's. We knew we would be one of several families being considered, so we tried not to get excited. After two weeks we got a call from our agency.

It was not good news.

The orphanage officials had decided that because of a sexual abuse incident in my childhood, and the fact that I subsequently received counseling for that, we could not only not adopt this child, but we will not be able to adopt any children from Taiwan. Here, I think receiving counseling is not out of the ordinary, and even considered "healthy," but in other cultures, this may not be the norm. This was so completely unexpected, and our agency has tried several times to talk the orphanage into changing their mind...but they (the orphanage in Taiwan) have completely closed the door on adoption for us.

We are devastated, and so disappointed. We are having a hard time understanding why this would happen, and we are taking some time to just be with our little family while we decide what to do next. We know that we would still like to add another child to our family, and we know what our options are at this point. But for now, we are taking our time to grieve and be sad.

I am sharing all of this for several reasons...if our story can help anyone else, that is important to me, and I have always endeavored to be honest and straightforward here on this blog. Also, this blog is and has been a journal of sorts. Writing here is therapeutic, and is my way of "scrap-booking" our family's journey.

Of course when we decide what we are doing, I will post about it...

In the meantime, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

Monday Musings...

Yesterday little M informed me that I was being too wild and I needed to calm down ("yoosa being too wild. Ooo hassa calm down now "). Ummm, ok.

Little M is totally obsessed with spelling...she wants to know how to spell EVERYTHING. All day long she wants to know how to spell every single thing we are doing, so I spell. I spell all the livelong day.... the other day, she was asking how to spell her body parts, and she asked me to spell hair. After I spelled it, she patted my hand and said "yeah, I know."

I think they must play lots of simon says at school, because she will randomly tell me to do things throughout the day..."touch you head!" "touch your belly!"

A few days ago, I sat down, and she ran over and told me to stand back up because she "didn't tell me to sit down."

Little M LOVES legos. She has both duplos and regular legos, and will play with one or the other for an hour at a time. She never plays with both, but will get the duplos out for a while, then put them away, and get out the legos. It always amazes me how long she can stick with these things.

Several times a day I hear "oh no, what happened here?" from little M. I always brace myself for disaster, but usually I find that she has dropped something, or there are a few drops of water on the floor. From the tone of her voice, you would think something dire has happened, but I am always pleasantly surprised.

Yesterday little M told the husband that his job was to obey mommy. I like it.

I told little M she couldn't do something last week, and she told me that she was going to "ask grandma." Then she went and got her play phone, and she totally told on me!

It's funny to hear some of the things we tell little M get parroted back to us, especially when she uses them in the correct context. She tells us to be careful when we are on the escalator, or when we are carrying something. She tells us that it's ok when we drop something, And the other day when I was trying to glue a craft together and it came apart she said "oh, you're disappointed? Let's try it again. I help you."

Journey To An IEP

Little M no longer qualifies as a toddler after her fourth birthday, which is coming up next month. I think I might be in denial a little bit, since I have trouble seeing my little M as a little girl and not a toddler. Gah, at this rate she will be headed off to high school next week! Why is she growing up so fast?

Anyways, back to the subject at hand. After little M is no longer in the infants and toddler program, which she receives her therapy through, she will still receive therapy through the school system.

Last week we met with our local school board to determine what our plan would be after little M turns four. This will be her IEP (individualized education program).

She definitely still qualifies for services, since she is still a bit behind, and there are so many great options available to us.

The great new is that she only qualifies for the speech program. She no longer qualifies for occupational! She doesn't qualify because she is not only caught up, but she is ahead in every area but speech! She can count, knows her shapes, colors, and letters. She not only knows her letters, but can spell and write her name and about five other words! A year ago this girl could count to three well, and five with help, and was struggling to learn her letters. I am so proud of how far she has come!

Since little M is doing so well at her preschool, and is learning language and other skills well, we wanted her to stay there, rather than go to a therapy based preschool. She has friends at school, and LOVES her teachers, so she will continue to go to her preschool. On the days she does not have preschool, she will go to a school based therapy for one hour. It will be a big change for little M...she will change therapists, no longer be at home for therapy, and I will not be with her. The school she will go to is very close to us, and I have heard good things about this new therapist. I am excited to see how this helps little M in her speech, but I am sad that she stills needs this at all. We are grateful to have had such a wonderful speech therapist for the past eighteen months, and I know little M will miss her. She has been so helpful and has invested so much time and effort into helping little M learn and grow.

Part of me really thought we would never make it to the IEP stage. Silly of me, I know, but I was so hopeful that little M would catch up quickly, and by the time she turned four she would, miraculously, no longer require therapy. She still does. Require therapy, that is, and I am learning to let go of my expectations, and be thankful for what we have. We have an IEP. And I am thankful.

Rainy Days...

Yesterday was rainy, and cold, and a rare thing happened...we had nowhere to be, and no therapists coming! We stayed home all day, and read books, painted "pink and sparkly nails" ...

And played legos...

I am already looking forward to the next time we have a day like this one!

Did I Just Say That?

There are things I promised myself I would never say to my kid...and there are things I never dreamed I would say.

These are just a few random strange things I have said lately...

Please stop coloring on your cheese.

No thank you. Mommy doesn't need a darth vader sticker on her bottom.

No, I would not like you to blow into my mouth.

No, you may not hold mommy's boobies.

I don't know what that man's (some random stranger) name is.

Please stop talking to your friend and eat. (only weird because there was no friend in the chair next to her, but when I asked who she was talking to, she said it was her friend)

I don't think rocks have names. I don't think rocks have names. I don't think rocks have names. Fine, the rock's name is George.

Sure, we can pray for your owie bottom...

No, you may not put your sucker in my pocket.

That's not safe, please don't jump from the top of the stairs.

Wordless Wednesday...Singing

The Day Of Love.

Happy Valentine's day!

Love For Friends

Little M had her first school Valentine's party today...I don't know why, but all of these school firsts, especially first parties, make me a little verklempt.

First parties are important, and Valentine's is no exception, so we did it up good...

We made cute ball valentines, because truly, when it comes to parties and sugar and pre-schoolers...less is more.

That is not to say that sugar was completely left out of the equation. Because it most definitely was not. The take-home party favors were all about sugar. I found this little idea on Pinterest (natch) and we had plenty of leftover mini candy canes...so they became heart suckers!

Preschool parties are the most adorable thing ever, and the bundle of little valentines that little M came home with...cute doesn't even cover it!

Cupcake

Our friend Kelly brought us some cupcakes to enjoy a few weeks ago, and little M was a big fan...especially of the icing.

Love Cards...

Little M loves a craft, and the little girl who didn't like to be messy has changed her mind. She was all about getting her hands up in some paint, so that is what we did.

I got some blank cards, and we went to work.

We like to send cards to family on holidays, and little M has fun crafting them, and writing in them. And I like watching her liking her crafts.

Love cards!

My Half.

Have I mentioned how much I love the husband? And also, how sweet he his?

Well, it's true...it's all true.

The husband is not a big birthday person.

But I am...so much so that I even celebrate my half birthday. And the husband, even in his barely celebrating a birthday state, puts up with my celebrating.

And... he even sends me half birthday flowers, buys me presents, and has a half birthday card custom made. Because he loves me. A lot.