We Asked For It…
As an adoptive parent, it is easy to feel like we aren’t allowed to feel stressed or tired. We can’t feel sad.
After all, we chose this…
We chose to parent and love these kids.
We waited for these children, we prayed for these children, and we lost sleep over wanting these children.
Not only that… YOU waited with us, and YOU prayed for these kids for us.
I was feeling overwhelmed a few weeks ago…I often feel a bit overwhelmed at the hospital on Friday, and a nurse, someone who had never worked with us before, was asking me questions about baby J’s background, and his casting and his foot. I was answering her questions for a while before I realized that she wasn’t asking her questions in a medical capacity, she was just curious. I told her it was going to be a hard long Summer for us, and she replied “well, you asked for it, so you can’t complain!”
And then I was sorry I talked to her.
But it made me think…
I DID ask for this.
So what right do I have to be stressed out or feel sorry for my boy, or even myself? What right do I have to be sad, or overwhelmed, or frustrated, or worried?
I’m a mom…
I’m an adoptive mom, but that doesn’t make me less. Being an adoptive mom doesn’t make my being a mom less real.
I’m a mom to two beautiful little kiddos.
I am a mom to a beautiful little girl with some sensory issues.
I am a mom to a little girl who has a complex heart condition.
I am a mom to a little girl who is deaf.
I am a mom to a little girl who has more fears and worries than most adults.
I am a mom to a precious boy who is still learning who his family is, and doesn’t speak English.
I am a mom to a little boy who has unilateral club foot, and all the issues that go with not having that fixed immediately after birth.
I am a mom to a little boy with dermatolomania, who tears the skin off his hands when he is stressed, and has to wear mittens so he won’t tear his skin off. And poor thing is always stressed.
I am a mom to some little kids with some special needs.
But I am a mom.
And that means I get to feel and act like a mom.
I get to have bad days.
I get to worry about my babies.
I get to feel like I will never get through a week without a doctor’s appointment or specialist.
I get to wonder when my son will speak English.
I get to be stressed out about my daughter’s stress and worries.
I get to cry when my kids have a bad day.
I get to feel ALL the mom feelings.
I get to be sad when we have to stay at the hospital.
Because I am a mom.
And yes. I asked for this, for these kids. I would ask for it again, and again, and again.
I would chose this. Â I would wait, I would pray, and lose sleep wanting my kids all over again.
Because I am their mom.
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You asked to become a Mother and your children just happen to have special needs but whether or not they did or not there would still be days when you just might end up in the hospital. You still have bad days as a parent whether or not your kids are SN, I have one of both and the non SN has given me many worse days than the SN daughter LOL. I think that nurse was a little harsh with her words. perhaps not intentionally but never the less.Now as they get older my heart gets hurt for them as the encounter different scenarios and situations.FEEL SORRY for you, it is OK you are a mum and since bringing Baby J home it has been one long appointment after another and then the surgery.Sheesh…I think you hit a nerve with me. Ummm, we adoptive mums tend to stick together and have each others backs.
You are a mom, through and through, and if you didn't have \”bad\” days, I'd think you were a robot. And just because we asked for this doesn't mean we can't be a little disheartened sometimes. Besides, what would bring us to Jesus' feet if not for the \”bad\” days!
And, might I add, I am glad that was you with that particular nurse and not me! Geez!
Darn right you can have all those feelings!!! You wouldn't be a mom if you didn't!!! Personally, I think what we went through to become moms, and knowing what our children have already had to endure, justifies our feelings even more! We would move mountains for our kids. Hugs!
I cannot believe she said that you asked for this so you cannot complain. Seriously that is plain rude. I am not sure what I would have said expect perhaps: \”What do you mean? I adopted my children so I am not able to express that we will have a difficult summer ahead? Does that mean if these special needs were a surprise I could complain? What an odd thing to say…..\”
Im so glad you have so many supportive people around you, Cousin! The nerve of that nurse!!! It struck a nerve for me! So with that philosophy, I just know she NEVER complains about her job, her patients, her boss, her residence, the cost of her scrubs, her husband, etc, because, after all, she did ask for it! The nerve of people!!! Yes, you have every right to be tired, frustrated, annoyed, angry, sad and any and every other emotion that I feel with my own children! You are a wonderful mom and wife and have a right to have emotions. SMH
Your kids are beautiful! I'm sorry that nurse was so mean spirited. Hopefully she was having a really bad day, and felt sorry for saying it later. I know I've regretted things I've said.
There will always be people that will say the most inappropriate things. I'm sorry you had to endure harsh words. Your children are so precious, you are a fantastic mom. For what it's worth, I know how you feel. I know first hand what it's like to have a child with SN. God put us in our children's life to be their mom. God is so good! He has such plans for us.
There is no way anyone can prepare to be a mom, especially a child with SN. The Special Need much greater than you can imagine.
Ah, nurses! They can be so wonderful and gentle and healing. And then every so often there is one who makes a comment like that. I'm sorry – I have heard some hurtful comments from nurses too. It's kind of by definition that they are with you during a stressful time, so I feel that their comments can really sting.And no, you didn't ask to have Baby J's leg be more complicated than expected, and you didn't ask to have him immobilized in a cast for 6 extra weeks! And you of course get to be upset about that! Hugs to you and baby J, and Miss M too!
You are an amazing Mom and with that come all the rights and privileges of being a Mom. The good and the bad. Very insensitive and unprofessional for a nurse to say to you. So sorry.
Feeling all of those feelings is part of being a mom–no matter how you got there. God made us human and gave us the full range of human emotions for a reason. Your two little ones will learn so much from watching you have and go through these times–remember that you are an amazing blessing to them!
Oh wow! The nerve of people!!!U are such a great mama!!!Poo on ignorance!!!
Okay, that nurse should be slapped.On a lighter note, the dress with the coordinating purple tie is amazingly cute. Wish Camden weren't too old for a tie shirt, although I might consider it. Where did you get it? (Camdensmommy@gmail.com)
I'm with you on this. In fact, as a bio mom to a daughter with special needs, I didn't ask for. I prayed that my babies would be healthy, I counted all the fingers and toes. It wasn't until the newborn hearing screen that I realized my perfect baby had moderate hearing loss.That was 13 years ago…she's now a cheerleader, a volleyball player and a track runner. She's everything I thought she'd be and SO MUCH MORE. She also lead us down the road to special needs adoption. I'm grateful to God for picking me as her mom. It brought us to our daughter Julia and to our newest addition, Thomas who isn't home from China yet. I wouldn't trade my kiddos for the world. People don't get what life is like everyday to live with children who have special needs. Sure, we chose to adopt but does that mean we aren't allow a bad day or the occasional gripe? Hugs to you for having the courage to write the post, it's a tough one. 🙂