To Baby J…

Oh, baby boy…

What a hard couple of weeks you have had!

 Maybe you’re still recovering from being so sick, maybe you have been doing some grieving, maybe you are feeling comfortable enough with us that you feel like letting some feelings hang out there…

I don’t know what has been going through your precious little head. But I know it must have been big.
I know because I saw those big feelings come out for almost three weeks.

I wish you could tell me what you are feeling, what scares you, what makes you so sad…

I see the feelings come out, and I see you try to force them back down. Over and over, until we are both exhausted with it. There have been so many tears these past weeks.

If you had been with us since the beginning, you would know that it’s ok to let those feelings hang out…

I know you will learn that, but I wish for your sake that you already knew…

I wish you knew that your mama can handle it. I can handle whatever big feelings you have, and I will still be here when you let them all out.

I wish you knew that no matter what, no matter how you cry, no matter how you rage, no matter what you do when you are upset, the end result will still be the same…
In the end, your mama will still be here. I will not only be here, but I will hold you through your storms and after them, because that is what a mama does.
You will see…

You will learn, precious boy…

Your mama loves you. I always will, and nothing you feel or do will ever change that.

I love you, baby J…now and forever