I’m sure everyone by now has heard the adoption story in the news of the woman who sent her son back to Russia alone, on a plane, with a note that said she no longer wished to parent this child.
I can’t describe how I felt when I read this story. Anger, disgust, sadness for the little boy who thought he was getting a family, but most of all, disappointed.
I am disappointed that a seven year old, who had a difficult background, who had so much to deal with, now has one more thing that he will never forget. The person who was supposed to love him, and be his mommy, gave up after six short months. How scary for him, and how devastating to have to deal with being unwanted by one more person.
We tell kids that families are forever. Your child, whether they come to you by birth or adoption, should be able to count on you as their constant, their rock, the one who will never leave them, or hurt them.
Adoption is not like trying on shoes. You cannot see if your child fits, and send him back if he doesn’t, just like you don’t “try out” a biological child.
I expect better from adoptive families. Oh yes, I expect better, because adoptive families must go through more to be parents. You must really want it, to have your home checked, your background checked, and to go through hours of parental training. When you sign up to adopt, no one tells you it will be easy. The training and classes on adoptive parenting have scared many people away. The agency this woman adopted through is one of the better ones, and would have given any help they could if they had but known there was a problem.
Over at Adoption Talk Malinda has some things to say about this as well, and probably says it better than I can.
It is likely that Russia could suspend all adoptions to the US because of this, and my heart aches for all the families with adoptions in progress, some who may have even seen their child’s faces, who might not be able to bring their children home. I hope that charges are brought against the woman who abandoned her son, because one day, if my daughter hears about this story, or a story like this, I want to be able to tell her that what this mother did is not ok. Families are forever, and she had to pay for what she did wrong. It is wrong to mistreat and abandon any child, no matter what how they came to be in your family.