Hope is a funny thing.
There used to be a time when I wasn’t filled with hope. I was filled with pity and grief. I was obsessed with what I couldn’t have, and all I wanted was to be a mom.
When we started the adoption process (over three years ago) I felt like there was a purpose in my life. I know there are many who maybe don’t understand adoption or feel like it is “second best” or “plan B”. But for me, it has been a path of purpose and discovery.
It is easy to get caught up in the “why me’s” of infertility or pregnancy loss, and trust me, there have been many pity parties over the years! Adoption is a powerful road, and not one to be taken lightly. It has been a harrowing and emotional road, but also one that has brought so much to my life. I have met so many wonderful and amazing people on this journey. I have friends I never would have had.
This wait, here at the end is the hardest wait I could have ever imagined. I knew it would be hard, but this is sometimes so painful that my heart actually hurts.
But I know the wait will be worth it. Without this wait and struggle, I would not be where I am now. My child is out there, and I wish I could describe to you the overwhelming emotions that accompany this realization.
Purpose, Love, Sadness, Frustration, Yearning, but most of all…Hope.
My child is not just an “if” or a “maybe” anymore. She is a WHEN. And WHEN it finally happens that we can see her and hold her in our arms, she will be the most anticipated, celebrated and loved child on the face of this earth.