Tuesday, February 21, 2012

On Waiting For Two

I started this blog when we first started the adoption process. We always knew that we eventually wanted two children.

We knew one of them would come from China, maybe even both. The wait for China became longer and longer, so as our paperwork was on the way to China we began the process to adopt from Taiwan. We were logged into both countries in March of 2008.
When we brought little M home, we put our Taiwan adoption on hold for a while so we could bond with our daughter, and give her time with just us.
Last Summer we renewed our paperwork, and began the wait again. But this time, we were not at the bottom of the list. We were open to either a boy or girl, and to a handful of special needs.

A week after we renewed our paperwork we were asked if we would consider a little boy, a very little boy with small head circumference, and low birth weight. We consulted our pediatrician, and decided to throw our hat in the ring. This program is different in that it is a birthmother program, and the orphanage likes to show multiple families to the birthmother, who then choses the family for her child.
Obviously, we were not chosen. We were sad, but we moved on to wait some more.

In January, we expressed interest in a little girl with a heart condition similar, but not as severe, as little M's. We knew we would be one of several families being considered, so we tried not to get excited. After two weeks we got a call from our agency.
It was not good news.

The orphanage officials had decided that because of a sexual abuse incident in my childhood, and the fact that I subsequently received counseling for that, we could not only not adopt this child, but we will not be able to adopt any children from Taiwan. Here, I think receiving counseling is not out of the ordinary, and even considered "healthy," but in other cultures, this may not be the norm. This was so completely unexpected, and our agency has tried several times to talk the orphanage into changing their mind...but they (the orphanage in Taiwan) have completely closed the door on adoption for us.

We are devastated, and so disappointed. We are having a hard time understanding why this would happen, and we are taking some time to just be with our little family while we decide what to do next. We know that we would still like to add another child to our family, and we know what our options are at this point. But for now, we are taking our time to grieve and be sad.
I am sharing all of this for several reasons...if our story can help anyone else, that is important to me, and I have always endeavored to be honest and straightforward here on this blog. Also, this blog is and has been a journal of sorts. Writing here is therapeutic, and is my way of "scrap-booking" our family's journey.
Of course when we decide what we are doing, I will post about it...
In the meantime, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

10 comments:

Lara said...

If you are open to special needs, have you considered Reece's Rainbow?
http://reecesrainbow.org/new-family/thechildren

Nancy said...

I am so very sorry. IA is so very tough.
My prayers are with you while you mourn and figure out the next steps.
nancy

Kim K. said...

Prayers flowing from West MI. The adoption journey is such an emotional roller coaster. Please know that I'm thinking of you.

Robin said...

I'm so sorry.

Beth said...

I'm so sorry. You all will be in my thoughts.

ourchinagirls said...

I am so sorry to hear this!! We were denied to adopt from China once because of a surgery my husband had. We had a child that we had fallen for and our letter of intent was sent. We waited and waited and finally our agency told us that China said "No." We were heartbroken to put her papers in an envelope and send them back to our agency. She was adopted by another family and while we were very happy for her, we remained broken hearted. Then out of the blue we receive a phone call from our agency about a little girl and our world was turned upside down...in a good way!!

We don't understand why things happen the way they do...but hindsight is 20/20 and there must be a reason this has happened at this time. I bet there is another child waiting for you in China!!

Sending {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} your way!!

Hollis H. Notgrass said...

<3 Prayers to you for peace that surpasses all understanding, since words aren't really enough. I know there is a plan, and i'm sorry for your disappointment in the meantime. Maybe God just knows little M isn't ready for such a change yet... who is to say? I hope that you can cuddle your little one and wait for a little longer for #2.

Bev said...

So very sorry. What a heartbreaking situation. I know how hard it is to let go of a child whose face you've seen in a photo or two as you've imagined that little person joining your family. I wish you peace as you work through this part of your journey.

Maria said...

I am so sorry! That is so sad and heartbreaking! I am praying for you. Have you guys considered adopting from China again?

jessica said...

So very very sorry, that is so devastating and disappointing. I'll be saying prayers for you and your family as you mourn and try to figure out your next steps. Thanks for always being so honest on your blog, it is so helpful to read and realize we're not going through things alone!