Monday, January 24, 2011

Loving...

I can remember when I knew I loved my little girl. I mean REALLY LOVED her.

Sure, I've always, on some level felt a love for her.
I loved her from the moment I knew she would be mine.
But that's different than truly knowing and loving a person. It was more like loving the idea of a person.


I loved that she would be my daughter. I loved that I would be a mommy.
I loved her smile, and her fat face. It's true, it's a fat face. And I love it.
I loved her expressive eyes.
I loved her little broken heart.
All before we knew her, I loved these things.


And when we got her, I still loved those things, but there was more.
I loved the way she held my hand.
I loved the way she laughed.
I loved the way she had become real to us, a daughter.
I loved the way she enjoyed every new experience with abandoned joy, a clap, a squeal, and sometimes a little dance. Because when you are really, really excited, a little dance is always appropriate.


But there were still times when I wasn't quite sure. Times when I felt like a babysitter, times when it just didn't seem real yet. Times when I wasn't sure I was going to make it.


All through those times, I was getting to know little M even better. And there was more to love.
I love her abandoned love of food.
I love the face she makes when she is thinking.
I love the pride she has in herself when she accomplishes something new, or says a new word.
I love her beautiful, expressive eyes, and her happy smile.
I love that she loves order in her little world, and the way she says "puttin' away, puttin'away" the WHOLE time she cleans up.
I love that she loves her babies.
I love her healthy heart.
I love that she looks to me. For approval, for comfort, for love.
I love that she will interrupt her playing to come give me a hug.
I love that I am a mommy. Mackenzie's mommy.


I remember when I was sure.
Sure that I loved that little person, my daughter, so much that I couldn't imagine a life without her.

5 comments:

Bev said...

The sweetest post ever.

michelle said...

That was just beautiful. It put all of my thoughts into words.

Kim K. said...

You needed a tissue alert at the top of this post. What a beautiful post. Those pictures are just precious too.

Pretty Pauline said...

OH is she GORGEOUS! I'd love to kiss on those cheeks. This post made me grin and grin! OH the blessings of being a mom. :)

Grace said...

i love this...so beautiful and so true.