Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Thoughts on The News

I'm sure everyone by now has heard the adoption story in the news of the woman who sent her son back to Russia alone, on a plane, with a note that said she no longer wished to parent this child.

I can't describe how I felt when I read this story. Anger, disgust, sadness for the little boy who thought he was getting a family, but most of all, disappointed.
I am disappointed that a seven year old, who had a difficult background, who had so much to deal with, now has one more thing that he will never forget. The person who was supposed to love him, and be his mommy, gave up after six short months. How scary for him, and how devastating to have to deal with being unwanted by one more person.

We tell kids that families are forever. Your child, whether they come to you by birth or adoption, should be able to count on you as their constant, their rock, the one who will never leave them, or hurt them.
Adoption is not like trying on shoes. You cannot see if your child fits, and send him back if he doesn't, just like you don't "try out" a biological child.

I expect better from adoptive families. Oh yes, I expect better, because adoptive families must go through more to be parents. You must really want it, to have your home checked, your background checked, and to go through hours of parental training. When you sign up to adopt, no one tells you it will be easy. The training and classes on adoptive parenting have scared many people away. The agency this woman adopted through is one of the better ones, and would have given any help they could if they had but known there was a problem.
Over at Adoption Talk Malinda has some things to say about this as well, and probably says it better than I can.

It is likely that Russia could suspend all adoptions to the US because of this, and my heart aches for all the families with adoptions in progress, some who may have even seen their child's faces, who might not be able to bring their children home. I hope that charges are brought against the woman who abandoned her son, because one day, if my daughter hears about this story, or a story like this, I want to be able to tell her that what this mother did is not ok. Families are forever, and she had to pay for what she did wrong. It is wrong to mistreat and abandon any child, no matter what how they came to be in your family.

6 comments:

Erin said...

I've never commented on your blog before (at least not that I can remember), but my heart aches right now after reading this post. I had not already heard this post and I cannot even imagine the pain and hurt that that young child must be feeling. A part of me wants to fly right over to Russia, find that boy, and take him home to give him the life that he deserves...if only it were that easy! I will pray for him and that a good family does adopt him.

w8tn42and3 said...

As a mother of two adopted children all I can say is WELL SAID! I agree with you whole-heartedly!

malinda said...

Joanne, I like this post, and I posted a snippet at AdoptionTalk in response to a commenter who snarkily asked why it was OK for birth parents to relinquish a child, but not OK for an adoptive parent. My theme was the same as yours -- I expect more of adoptive parents. So thanks for the post!

Dunns said...

We adopted a child from Taiwan 6 mos ago. However, we started our adoption 5 yrs. to Russia, and lost $30,000 to an agency, and I could never understand why this happened to us, but at the end of our lost ( we traveled to Russia to meet our daughter, then lost our adoption) and having Ellie in my arms today, I understand why now. We could NOT handle a child with FAS or RAD. A child with FAS is permanent damage. The Russia program is nothing like China or Taiwan or any other program. What I'm about to say-- please do not misunderstand me because I'm not saying what this woman did was right--- This woman should of went the proper channels to disrupt this adoption. However, in Russia there's a lot problems in their orphanages, their government does not support them... meaning food, clothes, education (actually this problem is in China too-well they're not orphanages, they're abandon buildings with an angels from above to save children. They actullay remove abandoned children off the street (very young-babies) into a shelter to slept on concrete floors with very little food. The Russian government does not educate women about sex and alcohol during pregnancy...so on. There is TONS of FAS and RAD in these orphanages in Russia. Their own government is destroying their citizens. I saw it first hand, it's very sad what is happening to these children in Russia. Russia needs to stop this crisis to their country. I still pray for Katie (Russian referral) that she would not be abandoned again or on the streets. She was a beautiful little girl, and I pray that this little boy gets a new family (he should be returned to US for readoption), and the help he going to need.

Matteo said...

That made me sick.
There are no words I can think of other than that.

Minnie Mouse said...

Here Here, i totally agree with you ...
I hadnt heard about this story until i read it on ur blog, i am saddened that someone could do this to a child, let alone a child who has already been thru so much already in his life and was expecting a forever family. We are at moment going thru the adoption process and i am sickened that this has happened ... so sad and so cruel ...