Monday, April 12, 2010

Having Hope

Hope is a funny thing.
There used to be a time when I wasn't filled with hope. I was filled with pity and grief. I was obsessed with what I couldn't have, and all I wanted was to be a mom.

When we started the adoption process (over three years ago) I felt like there was a purpose in my life. I know there are many who maybe don't understand adoption or feel like it is "second best" or "plan B". But for me, it has been a path of purpose and discovery.

It is easy to get caught up in the "why me's" of infertility or pregnancy loss, and trust me, there have been many pity parties over the years! Adoption is a powerful road, and not one to be taken lightly. It has been a harrowing and emotional road, but also one that has brought so much to my life. I have met so many wonderful and amazing people on this journey. I have friends I never would have had.

This wait, here at the end is the hardest wait I could have ever imagined. I knew it would be hard, but this is sometimes so painful that my heart actually hurts.

But I know the wait will be worth it. Without this wait and struggle, I would not be where I am now. My child is out there, and I wish I could describe to you the overwhelming emotions that accompany this realization.
Purpose, Love, Sadness, Frustration, Yearning, but most of all...Hope.

My child is not just an "if" or a "maybe" anymore. She is a WHEN. And WHEN it finally happens that we can see her and hold her in our arms, she will be the most anticipated, celebrated and loved child on the face of this earth.

6 comments:

Robin said...

Joanna- I can't wait to see MacKenzie in your arms.
Robin

Megan said...

I happen to come across your blog while blog-surfing...My husband and I are also going through the adoption process. Thank you for your words!

S. said...

I have been following your blog from Sweden for a few weeks now, and I am amazed how adoptive paraents feel the same all over the world! Take care - she'll be in your arms really soon!

Kimberlee said...

Hi, I just happened to come across your blog ... and your words really touched me. My husband and I have adopted twice, a 10 month old boy, and then 5 years later, a 2year old little girl. Both of our children are from northern Thailand (we are Canadian).

I can relate to your feelings - there were times that I felt that we would never get the call to come pick up our child. But you will get that call, and when you do, you forget all about how long and hard the waiting was. I promise!

Marie said...

thanks for your words Joanna. I came across your blog today as I was feeling a bit hopeless - my husband and I had just begun the process to adopt from Russia - and you gave me hope. thank you and God bless.

Terry said...

I've peeked at your blog a few times, and you always have something upbeat and postive. We are in the waiting process of adoption too, and I can't wait to see your daughter in the middle of a big hug by both of you!

Thanks for the encouragement to hang in there, giving us HOPE!

PS - I love your crafty ideas too! Nice! :-)