Saturday, March 14, 2009

Goodness


The life I imagined was much different. The life I imagined and planned for had us being parents about five years ago. The life I imagined felt comfortable, safe, predictable, and completely controllable. The life I imagined seems so far away now, as God has called us to something different, something better for us, something over which we have no control. The more control we lose, the more we have to trust God for everything. This is so much more scary than I imagined it would be.
He isn't afraid to ask us for everything; the cost is high to follow Him. He isn't safe.
But, He is good
I'm clinging to this more and more as I endeavor to trust Him more and more each day. It seems like I have been seeking clarity for a long time. What should we do next? How do we decide? If this is what we're supposed to be doing, why does it have to be so hard? Why do I feel so out of control? What is He doing in my life?
I read a story on someone's blog the other day about a man who met Mother Teresa when he went to volunteer with her missionaries of charity. This was his first step in trying to decide what to do with the rest of his life. One day, when Mother Teresa asked how she could pray for him, he asked her to pray that he would have clarity as he sorted through the decision about where his life should go.
She told him no.
She told him she wouldn’t pray for clarity, but would instead pray for trust, and she told him that she’d never had clarity – only trust in God’s goodness.
Ever since I read that, I realized I have been praying for and seeking the wrong thing. I want clarity, because clarity gives me control. I want to know what the future holds, (it would be great to know five years in advance) I want to be able to plan ahead, and make myself feel safe and secure.
While I try to make my plans, there are setbacks at every turn, and I am  forced to admit that I cannot trust in myself, but I have to turn to God, and trust in Him. He is good. In spite of the fact that He is not safe, and sometimes calls us to the uncomfortable, He is good.
I'm not completely there yet, but I can say with confidence that no matter what, He is good. Always, even if my circumstances suggest otherwise, or I feel like I can't see Him. He is good. 


2 comments:

Jen said...

Amen, sister. I need to apply this same lesson to my life this week as I wait for our son to arrive! Thanks for sharing it.

Anonymous said...

Joanna, how true! I pray to know "the next step" so often. Its as if I'll decide whether or not to trust and obey God until I know what the He's asking of me. Thanks for the great challenge and encouragement!
and wahoo for the fingerprint appt!
Celine